Keeping it Together, When Things Fall Apart
I'll never forget the other day when my dad and I were arguing. He approached me about things I needed to take care of that I was already working on. Man, I hated it when he would do this. He and my mother. They'd think of all the negative things that could happen if I didn't take care of a responsibility that had a deadline. God knew I was worried about it but I know that through much trial and error when there is a will there is a way. But there he was standing before me laying out each and every negative consequence that could occur. I had had it!!! This needed to stop. NOW!
"Well, I'd just hate to see you walking.....if you don't take care of this..." His voice trailed off.
"I can't stand it when you lay your negative energy on me! You don't think I know what will happen if I don't take care of this! I don't need you to remind me. I can read!! I know my ABC's, Pop!! What I would really like you to do is stop focusing on the problem and help me with the solution if you're gonna say anything at all!! Otherwise, you can leave cuz I don't need what you're tryna unload on me."
God, it felt good to get that last point out. There was silence. He immediately changed his whole approach and gave me idea upon idea for how I could achieve a solution. It makes me shake my head when I think of all the times my parents nagged me when they were indeed causing me more stress.
"Kristen, I just want you to have a sense of urgency."
Puhleez. The urgency I have is a subtle one that it took years of training to not react the way that I saw both parents respond when they had a reasonably small dilemma. Instead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, panicking aimlessly, I like to stay calm and keep it together. That way, I can think through my thoughts and prepare myself, strategize like I've never done, all the ways to find a solution to the dilemma. For me, its usually some problem that threatens my standard of living. I think, its usually that way for all of us. In times of stress, stay calm and strategize your solution. Create a realistic plan and pray that it will work while still strategizing.
What do you do to keep it together? How do you best exercise your mind so that you don't have a breakdown, panic attack or overstress?
I Can't Sweat the Small Stuff (cuz i've experienced enough of the big stuff to know what is relatively small)
You've heard it once, you've heard it a million times. Don't sweat it. Its nothing but a small thing. Funny thing is, its usually someone who is sweating the small stuff that's telling you to stop doing it.
My mom would come home every day after work to dishes in the sink, cups laying on the countertops, plates on the dinette, boxes of cereal open next to the open cupboard of where we kept the bowls. It wasn't me. It was my younger brother. Usually. She would suck her teeth and start yelling and barking orders for anyone who was nearby to clean it up. Most times, that was me. I never thought it was that big of a deal because I remembered the peace in the silence, moments before she came home-- that there was nothing wrong. It was with a bang and a flood of dramatic energy that the kitchen turned into drama theatre followed by raised voices and anger. Boy did it become repetitive to the point that I knew I didn't want to live like that, in that angry place over some dishes on the counter and empty plates on the dinette. Shoot, instead of dwelling on the problem delegate and act on the issue.
I needed to take my own advice. I became part of the problem-- always complaining about my legs. Good Lord, if there were anything I'd change about myself it would be my legs and everyone knew it. Always stressing about how I'd drop weight but my legs wouldn't come down enough. My mom would turn to me and say, "Kristen, don't sweat the small stuff". Shoot, she bought me the book...sometimes I thought she needed to borrow it too!! However, after much strife and battle, I realized after becoming theatrical myself -- most often with my family that I didn't want to be that way with any new or outside people that were not related. It was a chance to leave the negativity behind. It wasn't healthy. When I got my own place, it felt so good to choose what energy I brought in and lived in. Ever notice, that there is little need to be angered when you live on your own? I was fascinated by leaving my bed unmade, my shoes in the middle of the floor and a few dishes in the sink just to come home to all of it after work and not be angered by it. Then, I straightened up after I gave myself some "me time" and relaxed.
"Free your mind...and yes, the rest will follow."
Its All in Your Perception
The other day I caught myself in a mental overload over mostly work-related issues and typical struggles every growing entrepreneur will experience at some point.
"Yo, Kristen, slow down girl. You know what my dad said today: 'Like, 90% of all the things we worry about don't happen.' I just thought that was so true. So take it easy and just breathe." My bff, always seemed to say the right thing at the right time.
She always had a way of making something that was growing into a bigger drama daily, reduce in size in just seconds. Everything is about your perception and in turn it can significantly effect your attitude.
Right now, I've seen and talked to alot of us "Gen-Y ers", I've gone to the brown bag lunch seminars on employers speaking on how to approach us and how different we are from them-- like we are a new specie. Its almost disgusting-- not just the part where you're categorized, but the part where they have lists of symptoms, causes and effects of a group of people who have been labeled to act, think and perceive work in a few different ways than the working majority. And its all based on one characteristic-- a time span of when this group of people were born. Nope, not buying it. Labels, like many stereotypes, hold grains of salt of what may or may not be true about a group of people. Ever notice how labels take away from a group's (or an individual within a group) legitimacy? If you ever want to discredit someone just slap a label on them. "You're a tea-partier!" "A birther!" But if I were to say a "birther" is someone who believes that the president wasn't born in America and would like proof of his birth certificate. Without the sensationalism, it doesn't sound that crazy does it?
Make sure you practice fitness in your mind as well as your body. Because whatever starts in your mind will start to show itself more visibly in your body, in the way it looks, in the way you express yourself, talk to others, in your health, are all as an effect of the stress you are holding onto OR letting go of.
No one knows your needs and the best way(s) to take care of yourself better than you. Be kind to yourself. Leave the stress where you found it. Your perception is your reality, make it a good one. When things feel like they are falling apart, stay calm, keep it together and spend your energy on figuring out a solution. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Is it really survival of the fittest OR survival of the smartest?
To relieve stress:
- Indulge in some "me time"
- Write in a journal
- Stop and smell the roses (press pause and just be still)
- Meditate
- Do yoga
- Pray
- Read a good book
- Take a hot bath, go swimming (indoor swimming) or engage in your favorite activity
- Get a massage
- Embelish something or beautify yourself
Don't worry. Be happy...its just your perception.
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