Stop Stressing....Cuz You're the Only You You've Got

"Sometimes you can't win for losing"....That is unless winning is an illusion and losing is really learning mispelt.

Keeping it Together, When Things Fall Apart
I'll never forget the other day when my dad and I were arguing.  He approached me about things I needed to take care of that I was already working on. Man, I hated it when he would do this. He and my mother. They'd think of all the negative things that could happen if I didn't take care of a responsibility that had a deadline. God knew I was worried about it but I know that through much trial and error when there is a will there is a way. But there he was standing before me laying out each and every negative consequence that could occur.  I had had it!!! This needed to stop. NOW!

"Well, I'd just hate to see you walking.....if you don't take care of this..." His voice trailed off.

 "I can't stand it when you lay your negative energy on me! You don't think I know what will happen if I don't take care of this! I don't need you to remind me. I can read!! I know my ABC's, Pop!! What I would really like you to do is stop focusing on the problem and help me with the solution if you're gonna say anything at all!! Otherwise, you can leave cuz I don't need what you're tryna unload on me."

God, it felt good to get that last point out. There was silence.  He immediately changed his whole approach and gave me idea upon idea for how I could achieve a solution. It makes me shake my head when I think of all the times my parents nagged me when they were indeed causing me more stress.

"Kristen, I just want you to have a sense of urgency."

Puhleez. The urgency I have is a subtle one that it took years of training to not react the way that I saw both parents respond when they had a reasonably small dilemma.  Instead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, panicking aimlessly, I like to stay calm and keep it together.  That way, I can think through my thoughts and prepare myself, strategize like I've never done, all the ways to find a solution to the dilemma. For me, its usually some problem that threatens my standard of living. I think, its usually that way for all of us. In times of stress, stay calm and strategize your solution. Create a realistic plan and pray that it will work while still strategizing.

What do you do to keep it together? How do you best exercise your mind so that you don't have a breakdown, panic attack or overstress?

I Can't Sweat the Small Stuff (cuz i've experienced enough of the big stuff to know what is relatively small)

You've heard it once, you've heard it a million times. Don't sweat it. Its nothing but a small thing.  Funny thing is, its usually someone who is sweating the small stuff that's telling you to stop doing it.

My mom would come home every day after work to dishes in the sink, cups laying on the countertops, plates on the dinette, boxes of cereal open next to the open cupboard of where we kept the bowls. It wasn't me. It was my younger brother. Usually. She would suck her teeth and start yelling and barking orders for anyone who was nearby to clean it up.  Most times, that was me. I never thought it was that big of a deal because I remembered the peace in the silence, moments before she came home-- that there was nothing wrong. It was with a bang and a flood of dramatic energy that the kitchen turned into drama theatre followed by raised voices and anger.  Boy did it become repetitive to the point that I knew I didn't want to live like that, in that angry place over some dishes on the counter and empty plates on the dinette.  Shoot, instead of dwelling on the problem delegate and act on the issue.

I needed to take my own advice. I became part of the problem-- always complaining about my legs. Good Lord, if there were anything I'd change about myself it would be my legs and everyone knew it. Always stressing about how I'd drop weight but my legs wouldn't come down enough.  My mom would turn to me and say, "Kristen, don't sweat the small stuff". Shoot, she bought me the book...sometimes I thought she needed to borrow it too!! However, after much strife and battle, I realized after becoming theatrical myself -- most often with my family that I didn't want to be that way with any new or outside people that were not related. It was a chance to leave the negativity behind. It wasn't healthy. When I got my own place, it felt so good to choose what energy I brought in and lived in.  Ever notice, that there is little need to be angered when you live on your own?  I was fascinated by leaving my bed unmade, my shoes in the middle of the floor and a few dishes in the sink just to come home to all of it after work and not be angered by it.  Then, I straightened up after I gave myself some "me time" and relaxed.

 "Free your mind...and yes, the rest will follow."

Its All in Your Perception

The other day I caught myself in a mental overload over mostly work-related issues and typical struggles every growing entrepreneur will experience at some point.

"Yo, Kristen, slow down girl. You know what my dad said today: 'Like, 90% of all the things we worry about don't happen.' I just thought that was so true. So take it easy and just breathe." My bff, always seemed to say the right thing at the right time.

She always had a way of making something that was growing into a bigger drama daily, reduce in size in just seconds. Everything is about your perception and in turn it can significantly effect your attitude.

Right now, I've seen and talked to alot of us "Gen-Y ers", I've gone to the brown bag lunch seminars on employers speaking on how to approach us and how different we are from them-- like we are a new specie.  Its almost disgusting-- not just the part where you're categorized, but the part where they have lists of symptoms, causes and effects of a group of people who have been labeled to act, think and perceive work in a few different ways than the working majority. And its all based on one characteristic-- a time span of when this group of people were born. Nope, not buying it.  Labels, like many stereotypes, hold grains of salt of what may or may not be true about a group of people. Ever notice how labels take away from a group's (or an individual within a group) legitimacy?  If you ever want to discredit someone just slap a label on them.  "You're a tea-partier!" "A birther!" But if I were to say a "birther" is someone who believes that the president wasn't born in America and would like proof of his birth certificate. Without the sensationalism, it doesn't sound that crazy does it?

Make sure you practice fitness in your mind as well as your body.  Because whatever starts in your mind will start to show itself more visibly in your body, in the way it looks, in the way you express yourself, talk to others, in your health, are all as an effect of the stress you are holding onto OR letting go of.

No one knows your needs and the best way(s) to take care of yourself better than you. Be kind to yourself. Leave the stress where you found it.  Your perception is your reality, make it a good one.  When things feel like they are falling apart, stay calm, keep it together and spend your energy on figuring out a solution. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Is it really survival of the fittest OR survival of the smartest?

To relieve stress:

• Indulge in some "me time"
• Write in a journal
• Stop and smell the roses (press pause and just be still)
• Meditate
• Do yoga
• Pray
• Read a good book
• Take a hot bath, go swimming (indoor swimming) or engage in your favorite activity
• Get a massage
• Embelish something or beautify yourself

Don't worry. Be happy...its just your perception.

Be Kind To Yourself...Stop Overtraining: Are you Dedicated or Obsessed?

"Don't ever lose yourself in pursuing someone or something else."

Ever been in a relationship where you just couldn't stop giving?  You'd give your last breath to the one you were loving. And it damn near took the life out of you!! We've all been lost before. Life seems to bring you a place you were not trying to go. One question; Did you ask for directions? Or did you stop to think how you got where you are to figure out where you made the wrong turn? Did you ever stop to rest and regroup or did you just keep on going when you knew you were lost? The same pattern can play a role in your training or anything else that you love or enjoy.  Are you giving until your last breath or are you giving until you've done enough?

When I first started working out it felt like I had to daily or in my mind I would have failed. So day in and day out I HAD to do it or I wouldn't feel right.  Some say "Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated." Yeah...right. Or, I've seen alot of obsessed people who don't know what the word; "Balance" means.  I'm guilty.  I admit this training thing has had me obsessed and sometimes it still does. It is my favorite drug. And like they say...too much of anything will do what?  Probably kill you.

Every time I'm in the gym I give it all I've got and then some more.  There have been days where I've stayed in bed on a weekday until 12 because my body hurt so bad from yesterday's workout where I had to call into work that I'd be late.  No one should be doing that every day.  Good luck being able to function like a normal person. Not to mention the wear and tear that has on your body.

Back at the National Personal Training Institute, (also known as NPTI), in lecture we were taught that the more people worked out at these extreme levels they would start to see what we called the "work horse effect".  What's that you might ask...well its a style of working out that the obsessed use. Not eating enough and then overworking your body to the point of exhaustion. The point where you've given more energy than you had in the first place is an extreme habit. If one were to do this consistently for years they are more likely to die sooner than the person who occasionally works out.

"Overtraining occurs when work is in excess of fitness level or there is insufficient recovery time between work sessions. It is as common, if not more common than undertraining." Believe it or not, this definition is in reference to the overtraining of horses from Equine Veterinarian and Nutrition Consultant, Dr. J H Stewart.

  The dedicated is a healthy word for people that are consistently listening to their bodies and take rest days. 

There was no way, I was going to continue to punish myself...or starve to points where I had to physically drive myself home so I could have more food than what I brought with me. This was ridiculous and for what? A competition, to be a size 2 that I would never be able to maintain?  What was it all for I began to ask myself as I sat in the audience at competitions or was backstage helping friends compete in bodybuilding shows. Then the next best question, "Is this extreme way of living worth it?"  When I answered that question, and saw myself enjoying not being onstage and being a normal person, I realized that living a life of balance is more important. Being at a size I like and thats healthy all year around with no "yo-yo effects" is the first long-term lifestyle goal I want to achieve and that means no overtraining or extreme dieting. Now I work out consistently training different body parts, eating 4-5 meals a day and taking 1-2 rest days a week. I like feeling like I have energy ALL the time. My life is more important than living a lifestyle of extremes.

When your life is in balance, you are at peace. When you are in control of something not something having control of you, aren't you more content?

Overtraining Symptoms and Solutions:

If you ever wake up and feel like "Oh gosh, I really don't feel like running today or ellipticalling or biking, etc." You should switch your cardio up to something lighter like yoga, pilates or taking a long walk outside OR better yet, rest. You could cycle your rest days and do 3 days on, one day off, or 4 days on 1 day off. Or any pattern you think is suitable for your body to feel fully rested to move forward.

Signs of Overtraining (shapefit.com):

• Experiencing a loss of interest in what you once felt passionate about
• Elevated resting heart rate
• Increased susceptibility to infections
• Increased incidence of injuries
• Irritability
• Depression
• Loss of motivation
• Insomnia
• Decreased appetite

Shapefit.com suggests that in order to see improvement in ones strength and fitness they must rest. The rest period following hard training is a magical process which takes at least 36 hours to complete. If the amount of training continues to exceed the rest period, the individual's performance will plateau and decline.

Key Solutions (shapefit.com):

• Taking a break long enough to recover
• Reducing the volume and/or the intensity of the training
• Deep-tissue or sports massage of affected muscles
• self-massage of the affected muscles
• Temperature contrast therapy
• Ensuring calorie intake matches expenditure
• Splitting your training program so that different muscles are worked on different days
• Take your vitamins!

Know when enough is enough. Otherwise, your body has its ways of letting you know. We all have our limits. Know yours.

Loving the Me I'm Stuck With (for now)

 "You've got to love the body you're in, in order to get the body you want."

I will never forget when my ex-boyfriend said that to me. He was crazy but he had a point there. It was October 2010, post competition from my first two figure shows and I couldn't stand my off-season body. I vowed to never be a size 8/9 again and there I was, perhaps bigger. I couldn't even wear jeans. Stretchy black pants were my best option for leaving my house feeling halfway presentable. What an ongoing struggle. I blamed him for helping me eat the vegan pizzas and meditteranean burgers from Busboys and Poets. "You just looked soo happy eating it!" Is what he responded when I was seeking support for regaining control over myself.

I blamed him, shit, I blamed myself and was upset that I'd lost control over something that had made me happy. Having control over my life, what I ate, when I ate, when I worked out. I was compromising myself. Back at square one again in my fitness journey, I was stressed yet again, seeing myself for all the things I wanted to change rather than accepting them instead.

** When I first started training ever, just for physical fitness I didn't like my body. I weighed 135lbs at 5'5 1/2, 15 years old, and I didn't like that number. Oh trust it went up as I began to put on more muscle. I figured at 15, why not run? I'm starting to look soft and sloppy compared to my classmates. So I put on my shoes and started out jogging down the street and back. My cardio levels were awful. I could barely make it to the end of the street and back without feeling winded or like I wanted to die caughing up my lungs. It was disgusting the level of fitness I wasn't at. There were times I'd feel chest pains and would freak out that the inactivity in my life along with the stress of living with my family who were and are still staunch authoritarians combined with the stress I placed on myself was going to kill me. So faithfully, me and the street I resided on became loyal friends. When it was raining, I was running. When it was snowing, I was running. When it was sunny, I was running. I didn't care as long as I ran daily.  It was freedom. And little by little the distance grew longer and longer 'til I was up to 3 miles a day running to the main road and back. Boy did I feel accomplished thinking back to where I started.  Then, I added in doing reverse crunches after my run and my abs started to appear. In the locker room other girls noticed and exclaimed how it was "not fair" for me to have my six pack, but God knew it was!! I put in the work.  A year later, those abs faded away because I did not know to do something different.**

  The cycle would continue of being on and off and my body changing all the time depending on what was going on. Stressed then relieved, stress and relief. Eating, not eating, eating timed meals, eating erratically, not having money to eat regularly. I've been there and done it all. Counting calories, weighing my food through portions and eating by portion. To this day I am still figuring it out...but every year I get closer and closer in at least finding out what does NOT work for my body type. I am a female mesomorph. I am more rare than common. I gain muscle from swimming, running and biking.  All of these can make my legs especially thick if I don't do it right...for me. There have been times I was eating less and working out and gained weight. I have been a size 3/4 at 145lbs. Yes, I have! And people will tell me its the best 145 they've seen but God knows the battle it was to be okay with that number! Knowing that there were days I starved to get there while having a bodyfat of 13 or 14%. Of course, I looked great, I just didn't like what I looked like on paper.

Eventually, in order to be able to present myself onstage in my competitive years as a confident competitor I paid alot less attention to the number I was sporting and more attention to the body I was strutting. My clothes fit like they never did before. Pants were hanging off of me and I'd finally lost those stubborn hips and thighs! That was a day to celebrate. My confidence soared. Amidst it all, all my progress I hadn't realized that I had a problem with the original me at 23 years old, pre-competition that was just exercising to exercise. The me with the 6 pack that faded to a 4 pack. The me that I felt had saddlebags and was a little softer. It wasn't until I started dieting down, counting my calories and dropping to 139 that I started to see the me that was hiding. When I looked in the mirror, it was the me that I'd felt was the real me all along. The me that slaved in the gym for hours daily. The me that ate healthy all the time was finally staring back at me and showing herself!  What a journey!!

Everytime I got a new coach the number would go up.  They always seemed to figure that adding muscle was the key when I'd had enough. Gorging me with protein instead of lowering it or lowering the weights.  I don't need more size, I need definition!! I went through 3 coaches with 3 different approaches and honestly I would use them all again for 3 different things as they all got me in all fairness, different successful and unsuccessful results. All in all, I've learned more about the me I'm in and I trust this woman more. I am my greatest coach. I live, eat, sleep and breathe in this body. The most valuable thing I could do for it, is learn it.

The me I'm in now is still a work in progress. I'm still hard on myself with the numbers, with the eating, the not eating, the overtraining from time to time but its slowly coming together. I listen to myself more. What my body is saying. I can't be putting it down if I want to come up. I meditate and do yoga. I free my mind and let go of the things I cannot control and have regained that control over myself. I dropped back down to my in-between competition and off-season -body size of being a 5/6. It was a loong battle there. That took me several months to achieve due to internal conflicts and letting the wrong people into my life. I am now continuing the journey with the me thats taking the journey alone. I have not been in this much control of my life since 2008. Its felt good to leave the dead weights behind. Pun-intended. :) I am proud to say that I love the me that was within me all along. Not just the physical me, but the me that has gained such an awareness for what is going on around me. Who and how people affect me, my quality of life and my body. I am grateful for seeing the strength I have that is visible inside and out. When you're resilient you're always a winner. I would caution everyone and anyone that you can't love the you you're not in if you're in the you you are now and expect to get there. You will spend everyday stressing as if you'll never get there. Patience is a virtue. Let me say that again, Patience is a virtue. Learn to have it while enjoying the journey, then the destination.

“The journey is the destination.” – Dan Eldon

“Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free . . . your true self comes out.” — Tina Turner

“We don’t change what we are, we change what we think what we are.“ – Eric Butterworth

Waging the war within

"Are you running away from something you don't want? Or running away from something you're afraid to want?"

War I: The lack of real food

The question would be easier to answer if one knows the root of the problem.  From there you could begin a journey on how to fix it.  If you don't travel to those depths first you wouldn't need a compass because you wouldn't know you are lost.  Which one are you?  Running away or towards something better.  Trust-- this kind of depth applies all throughout our lives.  The way we live is what people notice the most.  Its the realest truth we have on display. Its in our patterns, our habits and our routines.  The real you is always on display. In this country it seems that our greatest battle lies in our pattern of eating. We, Americans, statistically are killing ourselves through the foods we eat, how much of it, when and why we are eating it.  We're eating it because it "tastes good", "It feels good", "It was on my plate", "I always feel like I'm starving". All of these are indications of an impulsive eater. Yes, like everything else in life you might want to think about it before you do it. Part of the problem is that alot of the foods DON'T have the nutrients your body needs because its not real food. Its synthetic, Genetically modified, chemically saturated products that are being passed off as foods on the shelves of your grocery stores that are not on the oustide "U" of shopping aisles.  They are the foods that are laced in corn products, High fructose corn syrup (HFCS), corn starches, soy based chemicals that all screw with your hormones to keep you...well...fat.

The Solution: Start cooking your own foods and if you don't have time to cook grab a bag of apples, grapefruit, bags of lettuce or mixed bagged salads and start munching on those. Your body wants and recognizes real food. It metabolizes these foods from the Earth faster. It craves it and it is the key to your dieting success. EAT REAL FOOD. I repeat EAT REAL FOOD...fruits and veggies.

War II: Your eating habits
There are 5 different kinds of eaters; completion eaters, bingers, emotional eaters, restrictive eater or necessity eater. Everyone's got a diagnosis for your habits for eating.  But whats in the label anyway?  Why are you any one of these eaters to begin with and how did you develop that relationship with food?

When stressed or upset I turn to food. I honestly do think sometimes that a cookie or a slice of pecan pie will solve the issues in my world and if not, my world tastes better!! Then the next day comes when I've noticed my hard work at the gym did not reap any results.  If results are dependent on a lifestyle of 70% diet and 30% gym it is more valuable to spend one's time on dieting long-term than at the gym for hours in a day trying to burn off the unnecessary calories.

If you are one to think that you can just burn it off at the gym, congratulations, you are a contender to maintaining the same physique forever.  In order to see changes, you must do something different consistently. That means if you are trying to lose weight you must be at a deficit consistently, if you are trying to gain lean mass you must add calories of healthy food (357cals) consistently daily supplemented with your time at the gym to see more muscle CONSISTENTLY.  Everyone must do something different than what they have been doing in order to see progress.

The war within you starts when you are having trouble winning your desired goal.  Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result would qualify as "insanity" or so they say.  But doing a different thing consistently may qualify for success if you're doing the right thing right.  First, in order to put an end to the emotional, completion, binge or restrictive eating one must figure out what is going on inside.

I have this theory that is becoming more evident as I work with more clients and continue on my own journey that:: You can't solve a problem from the outside if the root of it is on the inside. Which means you might have better luck losing the weight if you get a therapist first and then come see me.  Because willpower is often a key component in being successful period one must be able to tap into it. You MUST figure out how to tap into your willpower and not just in fitness but for your survival. If you don't have willpower what have you got in rough times?

What I do lately to combat my emotional eating habits is I think of my goals, short term and long term goals, how I will feel after I eat pecan pie. What it will do to me and my body when I'm not consistent? The consequences never outweigh the effort in sticking with my plan. In those times, when I am tired of eating the same things I will have half of the desired snack and add it into my daily calories so it makes little difference than going crazy later.

Key solutions to your dieting blunders are to tap into your willpower by weighing the consequences. The second is to compromise. If you've been going hard on your diet you WILL need a cheat meal to eat something you consider "bad" to relieve your body of the stress of being on a diet. Be adaptable.  If you're out of oatmeal and/or really tired of it you are overdieting. Switch it up. Just like your body needs muscle confusion so does your palate need diet confusion! And if all else fails, seek out a therapist, life coach or mentor to help keep you accountable and free you of the bondage in your mind holding you back from reaching your goals.

One thing is for sure, you can't wage a war within if you haven't begun to battle. Giving up is not an option. The only thing that may separate any of us from "winning" is the desire to win a.k.a. willpower.