Note: After a long awaited time and many attempts to reconcile. The other K and I have not been able to reunite unfortunately. However, I may attempt to do my own radio show with the stories and lessons I have gained since our absence from blogtalk.com. It has been a pleasure to serve you as K&K...here I am serving you as a singular K who is still attempting to complete the original vision of beauty, art and share true stories, feelings and life lessons. Enjoy and if nothing else, gain understanding or learn something. These are my first experiences as a daily driver.
The Fear "They" Want You To Have
"A scared person is a guilty person."-My brother's grandma
"Hey, don't you get afraid being a female driving late at night?"
"No, getting or being afraid isn't going to do anything for me. Fear is a low vibrational feeling. It does nothing but make you tense, freeze up about something that in your mind, could happen but there is little evidence supporting the reality of it." I said not amused.
"Well, but its good to be cautious though." He still went in.
"Thats the difference, fear and caution are two different things. Caution is something you should always have, but fear makes people do stupid things because they are afraid." I said reassuringly.
"Well, be careful out here at night." He reluctantly said as I drove up to the front driveway of his house.
I think he noticed that I was unshakeable and that I wasn't going to give into his idea that everyone should have fear.
"No, man, people should have courage. People need courage and bravery more than they ever need fear. Have a nice evening."
"Yeah, you too. Have a good night." He said out of politeness.
I drove on continuing to think of all the passengers that had this desire to put their fear on me. I wanted to tell them, "You're afraid to die. You're afraid period. I understand fully well that your fear and your scaredness is mostly unreal. And I'm not saying that I haven't been through anything crazy. I'm saying this because I've survived things that were crazy and had I not survived it would I really be here preaching the gospel of fear?
On a sidenote: Recently, I got a former police officer in my car as a passenger and asked him truly, to refute every person that enters my car with a fear for me and the night and people they don't know if these are all legitimate fears from what he has seen in and around the metropolitan and suburban areas. To my chagrin, he validated what my soul already knew. Its highly unlikely, but if you sense something a little strange and off, don't take the pick up that person. Which was something I have learned to be a protocol of my life. If you sense something take action. I would further share with everyone that if something is in your mind as part of your daily script of something that could happen, after a cumulative amount of the same thought daily or every time you enter my vehicle for example, it will eventually happen if you have no spiritual protection besides your own fear. This is karma. You keep wishing for something bad to happen and keep expecting it, it eventually will. I don't take other people's concerns into my consciousness on purpose because I understand how hypocritical human nature truly can be and how many are living according to a script not what they actually know. Think about it. What do you actually know that you have experienced firsthand? What do you have fears about? Has it ever happened after replaying the fear in your head over and over and over? Fear is a crippling device. Its not an empowering one. Let's stop having fear. Its killing the world around us and most of us don't even realize it.
What Parents Want Future Parents to Know
"Regardless of what the sex of the child is, it will be a blessing. The child will be yours for the first ten years, then after that they have their own mind. They are not your child." -A
"So, what about those people that had parents but they didn't really guide them or show them things, but they kinda had to figure it out on their own. Do you think they end up being okay?" I asked my clairvoyant passenger.
"Many parents cannot admit that they failed. And they need to admit it or they won't ever change for the better. If they can admit that they failed, they can do better. You're special. You may not have had what you needed but you turned out alright because you fully relied on yourself to give yourself what you needed. Many people cannot do that. For example, I left my husband one day after I saw him waking up next to me every morning trying to remember why he married me. And, I thought 'Is this what I want to show my kids how relationships should be?" So, one day, I packed up my things and I left him. Today, he has remarried and my kids sometimes wish they had what the other kids at school have. You know, that two-parent household that they view as complete because both the mom and the dad that had the children live together. But what my kids don't understand is that they are lucky. Many of those parents that are together for years and years are faking it. Many of them don't really love each other in a healthy way and are just trying to stay together to stay together. But, my kids are understanding the true love isn't forced and a healthy relationship is when a husband truly loves his wife and isn't pretending to love his wife or spouse. They're lucky. I just hope they figure it out someday. So, you know the way to be a good parent for sure?"
"No, please tell me." I said enthusiastically.
"ALWAYS trust in your parenting. If you don't trust in your parenting you will never trust in your kids that you raised them right and that they are doing the right thing. Your doubt in them can cripple them." -Yaz
"You know there is no handbook you can give to a parent that will tell them everything they need to know about their child. So don't stress it. Just do the best you can. The thing is, kids can be so critical of parents and not realize it and in different stages they want everything. But many of them want boundaries. Too many parents are trying to be their child's friend. I've never been from that school of thought. Children need someone to show them whats right and wrong and be a leader and role model to them. I don't think they need or can trust fully a parent that is just their friend. It also takes a village. You can try to raise kids on your own but you may need other help from family to help babysit or raise them. Its alot of investment and can be stressful at times but kids need guidance. Whatever you do, show you're grateful to them for what they've done sometime. Parents don't hear that enough...what their kids are grateful for...we get alot of criticism and little gratitude. Also, do you have the book, "What To Expect"? That book has some good stuff in it but it can be anxiety-causing. The author lives a block away from my house." -E
"Honestly, being a parent showed me what true unconditional love is. I will always love my child no matter what." -B
How to Be Truly Healthy
"One day I stopped asking my friends if they would go with me different places and different countries. Like, why I am relying so hard on others to do things I really want to do? And they would never want to go anyway. So a couple years ago I wanted to go on this yoga retreat and I didn't know anyone but I really wanted to go. So I said, what the heck! And just went and it was the most life changing experience I ever had. Since then, I've gone on many yoga retreats and its three years later. I feel so good. I used to lift weights but yoga just gives me this feeling inside me that I'm okay, everything is okay, I'm slow to anger, slow to anxiety because I have this peace inside me that grows. Yoga is healing and restorative because it forces you to look inside yourself. Many people go into yoga because of a physical reason and months later realize that they feel good first and also look good but its more of the inner acceptance they've gained for themselves that they cannot deny first. So, they actually get more than what they bargained for in a good way and a kind of grounding that lifting weights just doesn't give you."
"Oh, I agree. I'm not sure if people understand that the tension they continuously build upon in their bones and muscles and tissues can also translate to an attitude. It isn't just a physical thing, it can translate to a spiritual and emotional thing.. When I was bodybuilding I had alot of tension and when I made the complete 360 to pilates, yoga and stretching I felt like a new person who didn't have as much anger but was replaced with joy, gratitude, peace and an appreciation for the nature around me and the things I had and still have. So, sounds like I should go on one of those retreats!"
"You would love it and I think it could really change your life." -E
Why Some People Get Abortions OR Have Miscarriages
"I have to tell you my side of the story. I had an abortion a couple years ago when I was in my mid-20s. I kind of regret it but I know I made the right decision for me. My mom was abusive and she would hit me and ask herself out loud why she had me to my face. She really scarred me and I just wasn't in a place financially to support a child so i thought, "Why should they have to suffer because I decided to bring them into this world into a not so great situation where they might not have everything that they need?" Beyond that, my boyfriend's parents at the time would have had alot to say about it. I was young and I didn't feel I had much to offer a child at that age and so I had an abortion. I regret it but I know it was the right decision. I didn't really know who I was then and had some growing up to do. It really came at the wrong time in my life and I just didn't want to do to that child what my mom did to me. It was really damaging."
"How long have you been working today?"
"From 6pm - now, 3am."
"Oh I guess that's not that long or so bad. One time I worked from 5pm to 7am and landed in the hospital. I was so tired and I probably didn't get enough rest. I was six months pregnant and it hurt so bad when they put me in the hospital. I lost my baby that day. Its so hard to think about. But are you eating, are you sleeping enough? You must because even at 6 months pregnant, if you're not taking care of yourself and getting rest you can have a miscarriage. Its okay now, because I have my little boy who is 8 months old. But I just never want to remember how awful that day was that I lost my baby. Please take care of yourself." -R
I thought about that saying that goes "God only gives you as much as you can handle." And how these women really seemed like the experience they had with their unborn child was more than what they could handle. OR that their mental state at the time made the moments of their child's death more than what they could handle mentally, emotionally and physically. Perhaps the saying should be, "God only gives you as much as you can handle but its up to you to believe it." I feel many people give up too easily and too soon because they think too much instead of actually doing and seeing how things will work out. And a large part of that fear is a fear of failure. But if we all lived like we had nothing to lose we would gain so much wisdom. And wisdom is better than silver or gold.
What Single Dads think about Co-Parenting and Being Married
"Its just so hard nowadays. women can be so complicated and its just not easy to makes things work. Like, I was married for 14 years and it felt like I was losing interest so why stay? I have three beautiful kids by my ex-wife and I adore my 3 girls. They were the best thing out of the deal. :) But, I honestly don't think that men or people in general were meant to be with one person for longer than 5 years. You typically lose interest in someone after 5 years. I just don't believe in one monogamy with one person for the rest of your life."
"But, wait, hold up Joe." Louie had to speak up. "Thats not always the case. I know some people who are making it work. You just have to be right for one another and be on the same page. There's just something special that is going on with couples that are making it work. And I know it can happen.
"So Louie, may I ask, how many kids do you have and why aren't you with the mother of your child?" I intervened out of curiosity.
"Oh, well its just not my thing. I know that I'm one of those people that are just happier alone but I also do know that relationships can work out with the right person because I've seen it before. And, I really like just having my daughter and raising her on my own. She's my treasure and I'd do anything for her. I truly adore her and I don't really need a spouse." Louie affirmed.
"So Eric, you have a son, are you married to the mother of your child?" I wanted to understand his story.
"I'm not but we co-parent really well. She's great to co-parent with and I got lucky with that. I actually have my son right now. We're headed back to the house where he's at. I get to see him every weekend. He's my little guy that I also adore."
After I dropped them off, I thought about how they all seemed so content on their own and without women by their side, yet in the same breath two out of three of them flirted with me. In action, they love women but in breath, they don't just want one. And it didn't matter whether they've had a child with them or not. They just happened to be blue-collar men. It reminded me of my last boyfriend, who had the same exact job as them and how I am pregnant with his child. He liked me and wants me when he wants me but not for anything deep and not for forever regardless of the fact that I am pregnant with his child. There's something to be said about that and the parents that raised them and the experiences they've been shown by women and also the experiences they desire for themselves where they do not desire to be with anyone long-term. They value their freedom more and are indeed content with just that. It made me think of my situation and how I don't ever want to be romantically involved with my last boyfriend again because of how he hurt me so many times and how he's proved he's not trustworthy. He's only trustworthy in business and has little to offer outside of that. His heart is in his work and his first three kids. His heart is not in me or our unborn child. He values his freedom and hates responsibility. And everytime I bring up his responsibility to his newest child he goes silent, is nonchalant, and other times, gets defensive about the consequences like he can't be bothered. I will not ever give him the time of day because of his lack of care and his true love is freedom, not me... These men healthily recognized that relationships at this time are not for them and are placing the full focus on their kids. It truly sounded like that was all the responsibility they could handle and that a relationship could throw off the balance that they had with work, themselves and their child.
What Married Men Think About Marriage
"Its definitely not what you see in the movies. That stuff just doesn't exist. The way I met my wife was she was a foreigner. I met her while on a trip out of the country. Fell in love with her, she moved back here and she got pregnant really early in the relationship so it made sense to marry her. But since we've had kids she's been the kind of parent that will let the kids sleep in the bed with her while I'm gone and she doesn't cook well. So I cook when I come back from my trips and I make the kids sleep in their rooms. I can't say that my marriage has been easy because there is always some level of compromise that felt like alot of compromise. For example, my wife knows that I work alot and that in my job I have to go to dinners. She thinks I'm out having fun and then will get resentful when she feels she's at home raising the kids by herself. I have to keep reminding her that I'm working, until one time I took her on a trip with me and out to dinner with one of my clients and for the first time she saw that I was actually working and then from that point on she got off my back and stopped feeling so resentful. She saw what I was doing when I am away and I am really just trying to provide a good life for my family. But, do i want my freedom sometimes? Yes. Do I wish I wasn't married sometimes? Yes. Do I wonder what its like to travel and not have to think about my responsibilities to my kids and my family? Yes. Its not the easiest to be a father and I really love being a father and husband but it does take alot out of you sometimes and I can see why some people get divorced. You really have to focus on the things you are grateful for in your marriage and your family to continue appreciating it. Its not hard to desire freedom when there's trouble at home. -Dave
"When my kids grow up I would support them just living in house with friends and not getting married. There just is so much to compromise and when you're done compromising I'm not sure what part of yourself you have left in your relationship or the end of the deal you actually get. You're always getting a half-assed deal. You're never getting ALL of what you want. It is ALWAYS some kind of significant compromise where you barely get anything that you want. So, I'm not sure its a great deal to encourage my kids to do the same. I'm just not seeing that many advantages to it. I guess you have a companion but not without giving something up first." - Siddharth
