Viva Las Vegas!?...Life as I Know It

 2 road rage incidences, being scammed, one girl running out in front of my car in the middle of the street at night and almost getting run over by me, having my car hit two times (from the front and back) and being cut off every single time I get on the highway, I'm starting to adopt the belief that this place can be crazier than most. With its "lawlessness" as house guests have described and "laziness" when you see Wal-Mart carts scattered throughout the whole parking lot besides the place where the carts are actually supposed to go, one remains skeptical of calling this place home. I sure have. Common courtesy much? Dare I say Viva...Las Vegas!!?

But I am still hopeful that this new beginning will simply lead to another even better one that I can visualize even better than the last one.

Some great experiences have included the following work adventures like: a stint working at a dancer agency as a phone call girl who made appointments for the escorts. Auditions included talking like Marilyn Munroe or a high-pitched ditzy high school cheerleader because according to the other phone girls, men like "ditzy" and "stupid" when selling appointments over the phone. I was amused by the role and further interested in living this job that was outside of who I am and what I had ever done before. I continued to embrace the work reality until my bills caught up to me faster than the men on the other line would bite for the appointments with "Misty", "Tatiana", or "Nadia". And continued onto something more innocent and in line with my nature.

On-call babysitting, short-term nannying, pet-sitting and just about anything else that could fall from the sky into my lap was where I delightfully ended up. The kids indulged me with wanting to "play catch", "bake cookies", "take pictures", go on field trips, down the slide at the playground or me catching a ball the 7-year old would drop from his parent's room loft and purposely drop it somewhere I had to run to instead of in front of me. Lol-- this was my life as I knew it. Simple and sweet. I once interviewed for a production company to be a recruiter, recruiting anything from stagehands to performers but didn't get a call back after the second interview. I interviewed to be a personal assistant of a self-indulgent singer, reporter, radio show host and writer-- to be juggling her appointments. I gladly did not get a call back as she already set an appointment for me to show up on Friday because she was not confident in the candidates she made me call up who were on their way to interview with me after. I could tell and feel she was the type of person who would try to take advantage of me and emphatically moved forward.  I co-mingled with so many small business owners and met a CEO of a big corporation who was reengineering all of the old downtown part of Las Vegas. I had also met his driver, who was also formerly Etta James's driver and spoke of how she was the kind of star who would try to sign her autograph for every fan that approached her. She sounded like a true blue people person who truly appreciated her fans and had a voice of gold. I met and briefly dated a guy who worked the head of security for MGM and had run into many stars from Don Cheadle, Kelly Rowland and Beyonce and had developed perceptions of each from having real conversations with them. But most of all, I liked how anyone out here whom I told "I am a nanny," they would all have accepting responses like, "That so cool!" or, "I wish I could be a nanny, that seems like fun." As opposed to the East coast, where the general reaction was one of distaste, judgment or disapproval. Out here, it seems like many actually like their jobs and don't care what other people think about what they do. It isn't about status, its about art or creating who you are. In the end, this is just a way I make money. I realized more fully, that I don't identify myself with what I do for a living. I never have. However, I want whatever I do to enhance the lives of others and myself in adding life to it or in being of service to others. I don't need to make alot of money and have further realized that to me, time is the most valuable thing because you can never ever get it back. There's always more money to be made.
 I have valued my relationships with the people I have worked with, the small businesses I have supported, the bosses who only wanted their team to get along and would be bothered to tears when the team didn't. I have seen a different side of what the workplace can be out here as opposed to what I have seen when I worked in the highly populated corporate America of the East coast. I am so grateful for having these experiences, these contrasts that I would have only gotten if I had moved. I think its important to get out and move around and see what the world is like in your eyes than letting people tell you what it is based on their experiences. This is how we develop our truth. With our own minds and eyes and visions.

Needless to say, I liked the experiences and variety. They were all things I had daydreamed about one time or another when I was a child in grade school. I had alot of time by myself, riding the bus, walking home, doing my homework locked in my room until dinner to let my mind wander to everyone else's stories of life. I was always curious as to what it would be like to be somebody else....and not because I didn't like me, I didn't like my life. So, as a child I'd create all kinds of fantasies of living in other places or see people working jobs and wonder what it was like to be a cook, a teacher, a painter, a singer, a dancer, a principal, the post man or postwoman. My mind was the best place to escape to...all my life felt like a dream anyway. And part of me would know and feel that this place isn't completely real. So why not journey and explore?

With that being said, I was so excited to continue my journey driving from Montana to Las Vegas to meet up with my best friend who I hadn't seen for years. I was so excited. I was picking her up the night she arrived which was the same day I arrived. It felt like fate. Or so I thought. I just knew, I could no longer stay in Montana. The city I was in started to feel like a place people get stuck in. And after not being able to find a job in four weeks I didn't like the pace nor the mentality and figured it was time to leave. Plus, I was starting to feel as if I was overstaying my welcome. So I continued the journey that was another 14 hours and some 800 miles to my next best option of continuing life better than I knew it...Las Vegas.

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Besties til the End?

It will never cease to amaze me how friends can feel like you know them so well over the phone but when you meet them in person, its like you are strangers that outgrew each other. This happened once back in Montana and I ended up losing a friend (of 8 years) because of who I thought he was. And now here I was in Las Vegas with my "best friend" and our first interaction was an argument about who was picking her up at the airport after we had already discussed it thoroughly for about 5 minutes the night prior. But, I shrugged it off as I ended up picking her up in spite of her back up plans that were primary plans then back up plans again. When I arrived, we shrieked and squealed and all was good in the world after hugs and compliments, bags in back trunks and looks exchanged with each other where we remembered the other person was real. Not just someone we dreamt up or talked about or to, that lived miles and miles away. We were both real. And, for a long time I finally felt I had a companion as we started out mapping our life in Vegas out together. Taking turns driving each other places, eating dinner and buying meals with and for the other, staying at each other's places, job-hunting and surviving together. It felt good to have a partner in all of life battles that I had fought alone before. This was so new to me to have a really close friend that lived where I lived and perhaps we lost our boundaries somewhere along the way. Because along with the lost boundaries, went respect, honesty, tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness out the window. And even, if I was doing my part, I realized I couldn't make my best friend do what I wanted her to do. So slowly, but surely, we fell apart, especially after I realized that we were spending more time apart than together after constantly inviting her to spend time with me. And thats when I realized my needs more. That to me, having the time and being available to others is what I would like for them to do for me. Be available for me if you love me. So, we went our separate ways and have not spoken since. And, with that example, I imagine thats how marriages end. Two people, if away from each other long enough-- or not present enough with the other in their reality and our own, we can lose the visions we had together if we see that one or both parties were not true to themselves. Thats how we can get "lost in translation". So, I lost my best friend.

I learned the hard way, "that sometimes its not the time that you have known someone to be your friend, its their character" and the way they consistently treat you, and you them. Thats most important.

Life is a series of letting things go......
Along with our friendship, also died "Conversations with K&K". It was my vision and our execution. I was so excited when we first started our radio show that I would listen to the playback three times and giggle to myself! We had finally captured all of our friendship on one recording at a time and shared the connection we had with all of our listeners. Together, we had a good "synergy" as my "best friend" liked to put it. We were most honest to ourselves and each other on the recorded radio show. Our words, even our hesitations can never be taken back.  It was so real, candid and entertaining, even people that I included in the show enjoyed listening as well. I was most proud of creating and producing that show together. It was such a work of art that I had such a vision for and now, like many things in life, we must continue forward with new plans. I'm starting to see some of the truest lessons in being an adult is being able to move forward without the people that you love. And, that being able to survive alone is one's greatest asset. And to never clutch so hard onto any one or any thing. It could easily be the end of you. I think it best to learn that now, than later. Don't you?

Before and during my journey out west, I also had made new friends ironically, before I left Virginia. Months before my departure from Virginia, Sunday evenings were filled with aromas of ethnic meals being cooked for the roommates and non-roommates in a big beautiful house in Fairfax. We each took turns cooking and sat at a picnic table as the dining room table with significant others or singles sharing jokes of sex, love, romance, bodily functions, weight loss, diets, etc. We danced and drank and smoked. And all was merry! I miss them.
Or, the other new friend I always bumped into at the gym and then outside the house I worked at while she was walking the dog. She was my neighbor who lived next to the house I nannied at. We were at the same competitions together and shared mutual acquaintances whom we wished we'd never met after standing up for each other. Certainly, we were meant to bump into each other again and make Vegas memories. :)
Or the new friend, Lena, back in Montana, who housed me for two weeks at her and her parents house after my friend of 8 years dumped me and I could no longer stay with his second mother because she had turned into someone who seemed demonically possessed. (I can't help but be candid as far as my travels go. It would be inauthentic to say anything less than what actually happened.) I started to realize and see people for what they showed me, rather than what they consistently spoke to me about. And, in them doing so, it also solidified my character even more of who I want to be ideally and who I can live up to being. And, now that I am away from all of the most familiar people I have known I make sure to meet them face to face when they visit town. Its most important now, because I realize how we forsake seeing each other in the flesh because of technology or distance when we live in the same state or vicinity. But if that gap can ever be bridged its best to see people and meet them and most of all spend time with them because we all have messages for each other to help us out on our journeys and paths. And these messages help to elevate every one of us to the next level of wherever we need to go. That, to me, is fate. So, in driving almost three thousand miles away from home to find myself, my destiny, my fate, my purpose and deeper sense of myself (that I could be proud of), I have re-learned that I most proud of myself and feel purposed when I am serving others. Being honest, transparent, authentic, keeping my word, living up to my own ideals. And, the best way to do that is in giving our time, sharing our lessons, nurturing our people through words, actions, and best of all, through example.  And, thats one thing I want to be remembered for wherever I go.  Being the real deal.

What do you want to be remembered for?

My Montana, Week 2

The following weekend after David and I's conversation it seemed he took it to heart. He made plans for us and his gang of friends to go out "river floating" and then go cliff jumping. So, he gathered rafts and paddles and drinks and food. There were ten of us that he invited and 9 showed up including myself. We met at a local Target and then began the hour drive down to a small town called Craig. David was mindful of everyone taking the lead for any issue that occurred and leading the way. I met the other girls that were there and we made small talk that turned into innocent curiosity on whether David and I were seeing each other. I smiled coyly and said, "Well, he hasn't spoken to me about his feelings yet." And left it at that. Meanwhile, David was in the distance talking and laughing with the other girls in the distance after we had docked on a sand bar for 20 minutes. We had been floating for about two hours before we decided to rest. Our next stop was to go cliff jumping. So some of us swam, drank and listened to music while making jokes and having a good time. Everyone in the group was related to the Air Force in one way or another whether they were a girlfriend, an ex-wife, a new friend, an old friend or a member. We were all having a good time getting tipsy. I ferociously was using my paddle to keep the rafts on course. The river current was said to be one of the deadliest in the county. Even expert swimmers had been known to drown in this river.

An hour later, we finally made it to the cliff we would jump from. All of us excitedly got out of the rafts, except for Ecko (one of the girlfriends) who was set on not jumping while enjoying being intoxicated. I started climbing up the mountain when i heard my name being called, "Kristen!!1 Kristen!!! Come over here!!!" "Kristen!!?"

"I'm coming. I'm coming." I spoke. It was David. Apparently he was making an effort to finally treat me like his friend he gave a shit about. Alarming. I continued to climb carefully over to him and feared what I was about to do, until it became something WE were about to do together.  I was afraid of heights and as i peered down several feet below me I had second thoughts.

"Alright Kristen, at the count of three we are going to jump together." He held my hand tightly and protectively.

"Ah..okay." I said warily.

"1...2...3..."

We jumped. Cliff jumped.

I screamed ALL the way down into the water and came up for air gasping as I had swallowed the lake water.

"Kristen, hug your knees to your chest!!! Hug your knees to your chest!!" David cautioned.

I felt like a wet dog that didn't know how to swim. Thank God for my life jacket!! I thought to myself.

He pulled me the rest of the way to shore and i had never been more grateful for my life!! Everyone else got their chance to go cliff jumping with him. He made sure that mission was accomplished. After we all survived we continued to paddle down the river to where we had parked one of our cars to take us all back to the main entrance of the camp ground. Once we arrived to the end we all decided to have a cook out at one of the guys's house on base where we would grill and smoke hookah.

The drive back, David and Tiffany, the girl who rode with us seemed to have alot in common as they hung onto each other's words.

"Tiffany, we'll pick you up later on tonight when we are going to the party."

"Ok David." She said caught off guard.

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We both got into my car and rode over to Albertsons to get more food for the cookout after picking Tiffany up. David and Tiffany began talking again as I drived. When we got there, they teamed up and seasoned the meat and veggies together. Tiffany seasoned while David mixed the meat up in the bowl before he would mold them into patties. I, was hanging with the other girls taking shots, playing cards and smoking hookah. I was clearly determined on having a good time. My feelings for David wavered. At times, I found myself really caring about him and then in other moments I felt he was the biggest douche bag. Either way, I was here and trying to make the best out of every situation and letting go things was becoming easier and easier the longer I was away from home.

One by one, people began to go home to their kids or with their significant others and it was just the four of us left. The host, Brian, David, Tiffany and me. David was seeming particularly interested in Tiffany and didn't seem to mind flirting with her in front of me as he reached over and twisted her bracelet around on her wrist to see what was engraved on it. I was confused about David's boundaries and exactly what he was trying to accomplish as he stared over at me and asked me a question I completely missed. And just like that, any romantic feeling I'd ever had for David started to die out for good. It got late and after playing a round of truth or dare and him sharing some crazy situations with all of us about his escapades made me think less of him. I drove us all home and gave Tiffany a hug, where David followed behind and gave her one too that looked awkward. I didn't understand what he was trying to do, but whatever it was I didn't like it and was not moved by his intentions.

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The next morning I had slept in and made myself breakfast. David was gone. The phone rang.

"Kristen, whats this David told me about you expecting to be paid for helping me out?" It was Miss Liz.

"Excuse me? I never told David I was expecting to be paid. I told him the opposite." I retorted.

"Well, Kristen, it seems like we need to sit down and have a talk. Is David around right now? Have him and you come over and we will all sit down and talk this out. I don't like there being misunderstandings."

"Ok, i can call him now and have us meet in twenty minutes. Does that work?"

"Yes. The sooner the better."

I called David. He didn't answer so i texted instead.

In 30 minutes we were both over at Miss Liz's house about to talk things out on the business.

I was boiling upset. David knew I was going to talk to Miss Liz about the work and money situation. How dare he throw me under the bus!!!! I felt so betrayed. He clearly respected Miss Liz more than he respected me to confide in her after he and I had our discussion about his concerns about me not being paid by her.

I entered into the house after getting off the phone with my best friend about the situation. I was starting to see that my decision to come out to Montana wasn't the what I had planned.

As soon as i made it in the door, Miss Liz called for me in the basement where i found David sitting next to her eating her food. He's such a mama's boy. I thought.

"Alright, yall need to tell me what's going on." Miss Liz spoke. "Whats this about you thinking you were to be paid, Kristen?"

"You know Miss Liz, it was David who wanted me to ask you if you were paying me for helping you out with your business, but I said to him that i didn't feel right asking someone who is sick and about to be going into surgery, 'Hey how much are you paying me?' I said to him i thought that was insensitive."

"I don't know why David feels he needs to get in the middle of this. No one told him to talk to you about me and you. I told him i would talk to you about this two days ago and that I would talk to you about it before your surgery." I continued.